The language that will save your relationship

Written by on February 12, 2015 in Cool Stuff and Reviews - 11 Comments

Every once in a while we read a book that has such an amazing, direct impact on our lives that we feel the need to recommend it to everyone. The 5 Love Languages is such a book. Not only has it had an amazing impact on my own love life and relationship, but it has also helped me in my relationships with close family members — including my parents, my sister, and my kids — and with close friends.

This is a book that teaches us how to understand the people that we think we love even better than we thought we could before reading it: it teaches us how to understand how they want to be loved. Now that is significant as it doesn’t just help us to love these people better, but to love them according to their desired way of being loved, hence also loving them more effectively.

According to the book’s author, the amazing Relationship Counselor, Gary Chapman, we all love in different ways, which echo the ways in which we like to be loved by others. He boils these into 5 main love languages:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Receiving gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch

The key to a successful marriage or long-term relationship, says Chapman, is to love your partner in the way that he prefers to be loved, which may not be in the same way that you want to be loved.

For example, one friend of mine, who has a brilliant relationship with her husband, realised early on that what he wants more than anything is a woman to feed him and keep a good home for him (Acts of service). Meanwhile, what she wants is a man to look after her financially and to give her lot’s of lovely gifts (Receiving gifts). The two have a perfect relationship where he provides and buys her gifts regularly while she makes sure to always have a lovely dinner ready for him when he comes home from work. He is a devoted husband who, even after over ten years of marriage, still looks at his wife in that same adoring way that new couples look at each other. It is inspiring to behold!

My partner and I both have read this book and it has helped ensure that our relationship keeps moving in the right direction. I have recommended the book to quite a few couples who I’ve met with who were struggling and also to quite a few female clients who were in the beginning of relationships that they wanted to work out. I’ve only received wonderful feedback in return and suggest that all of you reading this blog read this book too. Let me know what you think in the comments below.

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